When it comes to what women want in bed, men tend to make serious avoidable mistakes like these. While you may give yourself pep talks before a lazy encounter or pat yourself on the back after a great time in bed, don't be too smug about knowing what women want.
A recent survey suggests that most men are not the skillful lovers they think themselves to be. When it comes to the fundamentals, men tend to make some serious mistakes in the sack. Here are the 10 avoidable ones.
1. Silent play
No matter the circumstances, most men tend to be eerily silent during the entire act. You may think that's fine, but this makes your woman feel alienated. It makes her wonder if she's actually pleasuring you. There's no need to exaggerate your feelings, but you can let your partner know you're enjoying her company in a genuine way. The occasional moans and groans are not such a bad thing.
2. Foreplay is not a means to an end
Most men tend to breeze through it — the effortless kissing here and caressing there, as they undress. But in too much anticipation of a great act, you may appear desperate to begin. And that won't score you any brownie points in the long run. Take it slowly. Enjoy every aspect of the encounter as you get to know the woman you are with. Women enjoy a well-paced build-up — the making-out, the undressing, the reciprocal oral s*x. This will also lead to a more fulfilling encounter. And perhaps, a standing invitation for more.
3. Forget the big O
Besides, when you approach s*x with a clear focus on only reaching an orgasm, you may lose sight of the path to the climactic moment. Don't pressure yourself, or your partner, to hit the finish line as quickly as possible. Rather than rush it, why not enjoy the experience as a whole. You'll prolong your pleasure, and your partner will feel like she's with a guy who actually knows what he's doing. The conclusion, though delayed, will be a lot more satisfying for both.
4. Avoid the licking
Performing oral sex on a woman means quick licks at the labia majora, followed by brief, orgasm-inducing penetration with your tongue. However, while that may seem enticing, the labial tonguelashing is not a technique that docs recommend.
5. The fingers carefully
Although digital penetration is considered a normal part of foreplay, some guys get overeager and, confuse their fingers for penises. As a result, they finger their partners with a vigour reserved for s*x. This also reflects that they have no clue what a woman wants, which is why they have resolved to go hard and fast. Instead, you should aim for a more measured approach; make her get used to the feel of your fingers as you gradually insert more of them. There's room for intensity, but a little nuance will surely take you a long way.
6. Sensitise to her wants
If you think that simply pounding away at a woman during s*x is a major turn-on, you are wrong. Yet, many men convinced that it will ultimately bring their partners to orgasm. But women are sensitive souls. They appreciate nuance, feeling and deep emotion. So, rather than thrusting away from beginning to end, you'll want to vary your speed throughout s*x. Gauge your partner's response, take it as a lead and simply go with the flow. If she asks you to go harder, oblige. But if the moment calls for it, go slowly. The key is to sensitise yourself to what she wants, and not what you want.
7. Go easy with the clitoris
Women enjoy the clitoral stimulation than any sort of penetration. So never ignore her clitoris. Yet, at the same time, don't treat it like a scratch card and rub relentlessly in order to make your partner climax. Remember, the clitoris is extremely sensitive, so too much force can actually prove painful.
8. Keep her entire body in mind
When you have s*x, you aim to pleasure the woman you are with. So it makes sense that many guys focus on the one or two sensitive areas of her body like the neck or thighs. However, the next step is not to look for other ways to please her. Though this notion is understandable, it is also incredibly short-sighted. The law of diminishing returns applies everywhere — even in the bedroom. If you've worked her neck for a while, move down to her breasts. And you may not want to focus heavily on her clitoris. Overstimulation can sometimes prove unpleasant. So keep things varied. As the age-old adage goes, variety is the spice of life.
9. Rough now, but be sweet later
There's nothing wrong with a little roughness if it's consensual. But you should never take it too far (no one wants to leave the bedroom in need of medical attention) and you should always remember to show some compassion afterward. When it's all over, make sure you pay attention to her immediate needs, which will likely mean some snuggling and cuddling.
10. Don't stress about the G-Spot
The location of the G-Spot (Grafenberg Spot), has long eluded men. It is widely understood to be a couple of inches up the anterior vaginal wall, between the vaginal opening and the urethra. Your search will probably be less scientific, once you've inserted your fingers into her vagina, curl them as though you were asking someone to come toward you; the spot you're looking for will feel rippled. But don't let that elusive area become the be-all, end-all of your s*x life.
-Culled from Times of India.